And eventually I dismissed the idea that everyone who tries to enter my space, deserves a place...
"It's okay to choose yourself "- Me
I have the most interesting conversations with God, and I’m sure he says the same thing about me.
Recently, I had to pause and ask a question that I already knew the answer to. Funny how we do that right? We usually know the answer, yet we question it because we want to deny the reality.
But anyway… I asked God: Why do I keep attracting people that say/act like they want me, but don’t actually have the capacity to have me. I’ll admit, I was a little frustrated when I asked this question because lately, it had started to feel like I was sitting in the living room watching the same Lifetime movie over and over again.
In my mind, I’m usually chillin and doing me... right. And then BOOM, here walks into my life this beautiful artist that paints this wonderful picture of an “us”. I admire the picture and it looks good at the beginning. But then slowly, as the artist is revealed, the picture starts to look… ugly. And I’m no longer interested.
Sometimes it happens fast and I’m out like a thief in the night. But, more often than not, I’ve already invested in the picture (they look REALLY good in the beginning). I’ve bought a frame, hung it up on the wall in my living room, and I’ve even told some of my closest friends about this beautiful piece of artwork… captivated by its’ detail, fine lines, and vivid colors.
But when it’s time to deliver on what the picture promises, the artist is revealed to be a counterfeit who was painting a vision of something that he was incapable of providing.
So I’m like, okay God… what’s up? Am I tripping?
God said, “Yes, you’re tripping.”
I’m automatically offended so I move on to my next statement/questions:
Well I’m tired of watching this channel of my life. Why do I keep attracting these folks? (Yes, I said it just like that: THESE FOLKS) Sis was fed up, I’m sis.
God said, “Here’s the thing, just because you attract something doesn’t mean that you have to CHOOSE it. You can deny anyone and anything. And once YOU start choosing YOU, you’ll attract AND choose those who have the capacity to handle and care for all that you have to give. But, if you keep accepting incapable people just because they walk into your space, your story will end the same way every single time.”
OH, well I thought I knew the answer…
And if we’re being honest… first off, I didn’t ask to be read like that. I was just asking a question.
Now God was basically telling me that, because I haven’t been choosing me, I’m choosing to allow THESE FOLKS into my life, who don’t deserve to be?
Whew chile. Ok. I thought I was choosing me.
So, as you can imagine, I sat with that one. I had to dig deeper and figure out the WHY, because I believe in always knowing your why.
I begin to realize that I wasn’t choosing me… I was actually entertaining a part of me that still needed to deal with past traumas. I was filling voids with people who I knew would leave, because I was used to it. I was choosing an unhealthy norm and not feeding a healthy me.
So, my why became a bunch of why(s), and it’s still something that I’m working through.
Side Note: Understand that your journey to wholeness is continuous. Life throws things at us that knocks us off our “rocking chair of Zen” sometimes, and that’s okay. But just because you’re still working on you, doesn’t mean that you’re not worthy of healthy relationships. I despise the idea that you have to be perfect to be loved.
I felt like that statement was appropriate and needed.
Okay, so like I was saying…
In that one conversation that I bravely decided to have, I discovered this very important “thing” to live by: “You may attract THEM, but make sure you choose YOU”.
That means:
· Don't volunteer for dysfunction - We all know foolishness when we see it. Run.
· Don’t ignore toxic behavior - Toxic is toxic is toxic! We know how it feels. Leave it alone.
· Pay attention to how people treat other people - It says a lot about them.
· Don’t try to yoke with someone that is unequal - It's not going to work.
· Don’t paint red flags yellow - Red means stop. You can go slow, but it will end the same.
· And do what’s right and healthy for you, the first time - You don’t have to keep learning the same lesson over and over again. You can choose to just say “nah, I’m good”.
So, Remember This Sis: Only you can change the channel. If you want a different result, choose to do something different. Choosing you will help you become the best version of yourself for the person that will do more than paint a picture…